Writing this as the 2020 has just closed out and my partner and I are a week after the birth of our second daughter, Aila Ruby. A recap - a letter to myself of sorts - and a wish for 2021.

First, my experience through the year despite the difficulties, was given meaning and grounding only because of fatherhood. It was a time for learning to father myself really, understanding the power of discipline, structure, planning – things that I’d consider myself an amatuer at ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I was pretty terrible at being creative, all that energy had been vacuumed out of my life leaving space for lots of other things. It was a nice change of perspecitve, but painful as well. Meaning is a bottomless pit, and the last few years plumbing its depths resulted in a lot of awareness but also a realization that meaning for me now is a subjective fiction. What I mean is that meaning (the “what does this all mean?”) changes depending on a variety of factors, a symbol similar to money in that begets seeking for more meaning. Now that I have children, that insatiable quest has been grounded.
Instead, I reconnected with a lot of processes locally - surfing, golfing, yoga, and sleep. Aila’s middle name came to me when I was out walking and saw the crimson red tips of leaves on a tree. People might hate on 2020, but I think of it as my great awakening to this new life I find myself in, needing to warm to the fact that I am a father of two trying to balance all the things this life has for me. “Aila” means “from a place of strength”, a reminder that I can swallow my insecurities if I choose to, embody the divine masculine, and rest in that without need to escape....whew. A tall order I promise!

Onto the work :: I was commisioned a couple times this year for projects that were perfectly suited for me, a highlight professionally. One I want to show is the series from “Costa Rica” for Deparures Magazine. It was a surreal experience to travel, somewhere tropical nonetheless, during a pandemic while the destination itself was seemingly emptied of activity. It harkened back to the times I would get on a plane in college, when those international jetsets were truly savored. I was joined by the writer John Bowe who brought a saviness to the trip with his charisma, wit, and pro Spanish-speaking skill.
I came prepared with waterproof bag and shoes, two dozen rolls of 120, and not much else. Covering that much ground required me to be light. I would say we were wet about 80% of the trip, and keeping my gear dry required a box of rice and dehumidifier every night. Nine days total, four locations across the country, a raft ride out of the jungle, and an overnight hike through the jungle to sleep in the crater of Arenal. Unforgettable.

Thank you to Scott Hall @ Travel & Leisure for this commision.

My work with a few other creative teams sustained me, namely Elizabeth and Garrett at GEO and their client, Mario and his creative team at Hugo & Marie, Simon at Opto, Kojo at Golfer’s Journal, and Molly over at Ghostly Int. Thank you all!

My wish for 2021? I hope to find more ease with fears, projections, and doubts. I hope to see our friends more, find new ways to connect with myself and the earth, and that my family continues its string of good health.

I’m setting up a link on my info page to find time to connect with people. If you’re interested, please signup by going here.

Some of what I listened to most this year:
Happy New Year ︎